French Exam Procrastiation

My french exam is tomorrow. At 9am. On a Saturday. GROSS.
But after, I am going ice-skating. Which is definately not gross, but actually really lovely. I can't wait.
Yesterday, I got scholarshipped, which means that the university deposited a large chunk of cash into my account. Pretty awesome.
Today, I should be studying my french but I have a million great ideas floating around my head for paintings. All self-portraits, but I'm in a very reflective mood about my life, so I think it's apt. I think I may be going into a Frida Khalo-esque stage. Not that I'm complaining. She's fantastic!
I guess it may have to do with the fact that I found the diary that I kept while I was overseas last time, throughout Europe (not regularly, but still) and then in the time after I got back. It was great to read back on how I felt, how I dealt with the big blows, heartbreaks and my first impressions on meeting people who I am still in touch with today. Pretty funny at times too. Also good to get some perspective. I went through a really tough time when I returned. I thought I hid it pretty well, but I talked to my mother and she remembers how depressed I was and how she was really worried for me. Anyway, I kept a record of that in the journal, the whole 'blue period' that happened when I got back. I forgot how totally horrible that was, and it gave me some perspective- Although some things may feel pretty bad (falling apart bad) at the moment, I've been through worse and I got out of this period in my life when I seriously doubted that I would ever feel happy again. And I did. And now, it feels bad, but it's been worse. And I got out of that, and I'll get out of this.
So yes, it was a good find. a really good find.

Mixed signals, bit of good, bit of bad

So, I dont know what to feel at the moment. Got some bad things, got some good things, got some stressful things. I think I'll just list them;

The Bad

- Spent half my day at the passport office. God, I hate governments. I should have the right to a passport without;

• Over $300 in expenses, (photos, processing fee, express delivery fee)
• 8 forms
• 3 seperate trips to the passport office

And still, I'll be told on tuesday if that's enough.
All this because I was not born in Australia and do not have a driver's licence. I do, however, have a past passport, a citizenship certificate, a credit card with my full name on it, a medical card, a translated birth certificate, a letter of acceptance from uni (with my adress), I'm on the electrol roll AND a uni ID card. Oh, and 2 people who have signed official papers to say it's me. Apparently, that MIGHT not be enough.

-I'm strangely NOT stressed about a final drawing assessment, a french oral exam and a 3,500 word philosophy/art history essay, all due next week. I think it's a bad sign.

-I'm a bit worried about my Canadian student visa. I'm also under the impression that I will need a US visa. I really hate all this red tape.

OK, no more negativity!

The Good

- I'm doing a lot more of my own drawing, which I will paste here if my scanner starts working today, hopefully.

- I've got some direction on my philosophy/art history essay. It's about the philosophical idea of 'the sublime', how it relates to vis art, and how that idea has been translated into modernist/postmodern contexts. Lots of Schopenhauer, Burke and Longinus.

- I'm drinking a cup of tea.

- My parents are pretty wonderful and considering getting my ticket from the US to Europe for me. But that means I have to decide where I want to go in Europe. I really wanted to go to Berlin to see a really good friend of mine (who recently broke my heart!), but because of the recent... blah... I'm thinking of going to Poland to see the family and sort things out from there instead. I was also considering Paris to be an option. But I dont know anyone there very well, and my whole family (from France and Switzerland too) will be in Poland to celebrate a new cousin :-)

- My cousin will be having a new baby girl in 3 months.

SO! I havent figured out my scanner, but here are some more scribbles;