Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts

Thursday, June 25, 2009

French Exam Procrastiation

My french exam is tomorrow. At 9am. On a Saturday. GROSS.
But after, I am going ice-skating. Which is definately not gross, but actually really lovely. I can't wait.
Yesterday, I got scholarshipped, which means that the university deposited a large chunk of cash into my account. Pretty awesome.
Today, I should be studying my french but I have a million great ideas floating around my head for paintings. All self-portraits, but I'm in a very reflective mood about my life, so I think it's apt. I think I may be going into a Frida Khalo-esque stage. Not that I'm complaining. She's fantastic!
I guess it may have to do with the fact that I found the diary that I kept while I was overseas last time, throughout Europe (not regularly, but still) and then in the time after I got back. It was great to read back on how I felt, how I dealt with the big blows, heartbreaks and my first impressions on meeting people who I am still in touch with today. Pretty funny at times too. Also good to get some perspective. I went through a really tough time when I returned. I thought I hid it pretty well, but I talked to my mother and she remembers how depressed I was and how she was really worried for me. Anyway, I kept a record of that in the journal, the whole 'blue period' that happened when I got back. I forgot how totally horrible that was, and it gave me some perspective- Although some things may feel pretty bad (falling apart bad) at the moment, I've been through worse and I got out of this period in my life when I seriously doubted that I would ever feel happy again. And I did. And now, it feels bad, but it's been worse. And I got out of that, and I'll get out of this.
So yes, it was a good find. a really good find.